Polygamy??

Polygamy, undoubtadly a much debated topic. With all the religious, secular and political brouhaha brewing all over it, how does it affect us?

Ok, seriously speaking, i don't think much of polygamy.... thats it, i just don't think much about it. But apparently other people do....

had the chance to sit in on a rather interesting polygamy debate/discussion between the male and female students in the bilik pascasiswazah Fac. Education UM. No prizes for guessing who was proporsing and who was opposing.

On the gurls side.... we have Azi! An outspoken dimunitive young (well, young for a PhD student) lady who has strong opinions about polygamy.

On the guys side... we have Fauzan! A strong willed, eloquent (not so young) guy who sees good in polygamy.....

jeng jeng jeng...
this will be verbatim btw.....

F: If you think about it, if there was no polygamy, there would be no Zam-zam water, no kaabah (in reference to Nabi Ibrahim a.s. second wife, siti hajar. That is the true hikmah behind polygamy. Unfortunately humans tend to look at the negative side of things, the implementation of which is all wrong. If you look at the history of our prophets, polygamy played an important role in their lives. But lets not go all 'i have to be like Rasulullah if i want to do polygamy'. Because it is difficult for us to be like him.
A: However, you must realise that in today's context, men often take second wives because.....?
F: Well, how would i know?
A:I'll tell you, most of them take the younger ones, the prettier ones, the more flirty ones.
F: Let me say something here, if a man were to take a young virgin as second wife, perhaps his first wife might say, why do you want to marry a younger woman? So he is left with a choice, should he marry an older woman? A widow with three kids perhaps? Then other people might say things about him wedding widows.
A: So you're just trying to rationalise taking a young wife is it?
F: Its not that, if Allah has ordained for you to take a younger second wife then so be it.
A: Why, why would Allah set something like that?
F: well...
A: Its because Allah sends the second one as a test as to whether the husband can be fair to both his wife or not.
F: True, so my point is, there are men who take widows for second wives, some even take those older than them, its all up to what Allah has ordained for you. Then comes in the implementation, how the husband can treat his wives equally. If he is good, then he is good. If you were to enter a second marriage with the mindset that polygamy is bad then the outcome will be bad.
A: But the thing is men tend to be unfair in their treatment. More often than not, the second wife will be younger, hipper. more attractive and more affectionate and the husband will find himself devoting more attention to the second wife rather than the first. Not to say that all men are expected to be unfair but sometimes it is the second woman that makes him act unfairly.
F: So the first wife should 'redha'
A: well, ok, so she should just 'redha' redha jelah?'
F: Well, if we look back at the initial ayat...
*at this point the gurls laugh at Fauzan*
A: mesti you ada problem dengan vetting, sebab you defensive sangat
*totally irrelevent*
A: Well, i'm just talking generally, no need for you to get defensive.
F: Ok, back to the topic. When talking about fairness, what is fairness?
one of the guys: putting something in its rightful place.....
F: So taking from that, does that mean we buy separate houses fro our two wives?
one of the gurls: hows that?
one of the guys: its unfair because say if you put your fat old ugly wife at the back and the young pretty wife is at the front.
A: So rightfully, the wife with more kids should get more financial support shouldn't she?
F: Right. Being fair means being fair according to the right conditions. Putting something in its rightful place.. so if the husband is able, then he should be as fair as possible, however if he is not able, then the wives cannot expect too much from him.
A: But the thing is, sometimes men can't control that particular variable.
guys: you banyak songehlah
gurls: ala, lelaki pun banyak songeh
guys: the thing about malaysia is that is too fearful of polygamy, if we look at Sudan, polygamy is a thing of the norm.
F: If women only knew the beauty of polygamy, how the wives are rewarded in Mahsyar, perhaps they would be lining up, begging their husbands to take second wives. For in Mahsyar, they would be given shades of Gold to protect them.
A: Well, the only thing im afraid of is that in reality it might be an iron shade.
F: well, that is a guarantee, don't try to belittle it. In Mahsyar, you don't have time to think of others, its every person for themselves. You should not try and challenge the quran saying things like ' try if a woman were to do polyandry'.
A: 'Try'? But it has happened that the husband was lost at sea for a long time and she remarried....
F: Look at the context, the husband was gone for more than a few years, so it is ok.

*bla bla bla* irrelevent stuff the rest of the group veer into other topics, mainly my acne outbreak and my dry lovelife