Polygamy??

Polygamy, undoubtadly a much debated topic. With all the religious, secular and political brouhaha brewing all over it, how does it affect us?

Ok, seriously speaking, i don't think much of polygamy.... thats it, i just don't think much about it. But apparently other people do....

had the chance to sit in on a rather interesting polygamy debate/discussion between the male and female students in the bilik pascasiswazah Fac. Education UM. No prizes for guessing who was proporsing and who was opposing.

On the gurls side.... we have Azi! An outspoken dimunitive young (well, young for a PhD student) lady who has strong opinions about polygamy.

On the guys side... we have Fauzan! A strong willed, eloquent (not so young) guy who sees good in polygamy.....

jeng jeng jeng...
this will be verbatim btw.....

F: If you think about it, if there was no polygamy, there would be no Zam-zam water, no kaabah (in reference to Nabi Ibrahim a.s. second wife, siti hajar. That is the true hikmah behind polygamy. Unfortunately humans tend to look at the negative side of things, the implementation of which is all wrong. If you look at the history of our prophets, polygamy played an important role in their lives. But lets not go all 'i have to be like Rasulullah if i want to do polygamy'. Because it is difficult for us to be like him.
A: However, you must realise that in today's context, men often take second wives because.....?
F: Well, how would i know?
A:I'll tell you, most of them take the younger ones, the prettier ones, the more flirty ones.
F: Let me say something here, if a man were to take a young virgin as second wife, perhaps his first wife might say, why do you want to marry a younger woman? So he is left with a choice, should he marry an older woman? A widow with three kids perhaps? Then other people might say things about him wedding widows.
A: So you're just trying to rationalise taking a young wife is it?
F: Its not that, if Allah has ordained for you to take a younger second wife then so be it.
A: Why, why would Allah set something like that?
F: well...
A: Its because Allah sends the second one as a test as to whether the husband can be fair to both his wife or not.
F: True, so my point is, there are men who take widows for second wives, some even take those older than them, its all up to what Allah has ordained for you. Then comes in the implementation, how the husband can treat his wives equally. If he is good, then he is good. If you were to enter a second marriage with the mindset that polygamy is bad then the outcome will be bad.
A: But the thing is men tend to be unfair in their treatment. More often than not, the second wife will be younger, hipper. more attractive and more affectionate and the husband will find himself devoting more attention to the second wife rather than the first. Not to say that all men are expected to be unfair but sometimes it is the second woman that makes him act unfairly.
F: So the first wife should 'redha'
A: well, ok, so she should just 'redha' redha jelah?'
F: Well, if we look back at the initial ayat...
*at this point the gurls laugh at Fauzan*
A: mesti you ada problem dengan vetting, sebab you defensive sangat
*totally irrelevent*
A: Well, i'm just talking generally, no need for you to get defensive.
F: Ok, back to the topic. When talking about fairness, what is fairness?
one of the guys: putting something in its rightful place.....
F: So taking from that, does that mean we buy separate houses fro our two wives?
one of the gurls: hows that?
one of the guys: its unfair because say if you put your fat old ugly wife at the back and the young pretty wife is at the front.
A: So rightfully, the wife with more kids should get more financial support shouldn't she?
F: Right. Being fair means being fair according to the right conditions. Putting something in its rightful place.. so if the husband is able, then he should be as fair as possible, however if he is not able, then the wives cannot expect too much from him.
A: But the thing is, sometimes men can't control that particular variable.
guys: you banyak songehlah
gurls: ala, lelaki pun banyak songeh
guys: the thing about malaysia is that is too fearful of polygamy, if we look at Sudan, polygamy is a thing of the norm.
F: If women only knew the beauty of polygamy, how the wives are rewarded in Mahsyar, perhaps they would be lining up, begging their husbands to take second wives. For in Mahsyar, they would be given shades of Gold to protect them.
A: Well, the only thing im afraid of is that in reality it might be an iron shade.
F: well, that is a guarantee, don't try to belittle it. In Mahsyar, you don't have time to think of others, its every person for themselves. You should not try and challenge the quran saying things like ' try if a woman were to do polyandry'.
A: 'Try'? But it has happened that the husband was lost at sea for a long time and she remarried....
F: Look at the context, the husband was gone for more than a few years, so it is ok.

*bla bla bla* irrelevent stuff the rest of the group veer into other topics, mainly my acne outbreak and my dry lovelife

Rohaya - who?

Rohaya comes across as a well mannered muslim lady complete with tudung etc...

A no-nonsense lady having had experience teaching in secondary schools she is quite truthful in her statements and she stands by them.
It is apparent that conversations with her take some time to gain momentum, before she begins pouring out her ideas.
She views the world with a 'if i can do it, why can't you' outlook. She is content with the hand god has dealt her, she resigns herself to her fate. Though this may seem like a lack of ambition, she is however a hardworking student, perhaps even the most productive of the batch.
The PhD is a means of breaking away from her current position, a pass key to greater heights.
Being a teacher, she likes playing the role of well.... teacher, sharing ideas, counselling.. etc....

Another day, another person!

Rohaya - PhD student

Ehem ehem, first blog!!! yeeeppaaaa!!!!

ok, to be serious now,
a bit of background info,

Rohaya is one of my PhD friends in UM, she is doing a PhD in instructional design. A lady with several years of experience behind her (won't say how many, lest i betray her age) in the field of education, she had some views on some issues...

Conversation began with a discussion regarding my scholarships application. My reaction was a very upsetting one, (of course, you'd be upset if you got 9As and no one wanted to give you nuts cos ur freaking BM was a stupid B!!!!!)
anyways, Rohaya says that A lot of kids who 'so called' score hebat are getting called for so many interviews, so im thinking, there would be free space left... why not me?????

No doubt, said Rohaya, its frustrating, she had to do Form 6 during her time, and that time, despite her results, even UiTM didn't call her. Apparently its just about whether god wants it for you or not. Eventually, though she did get called for an interview, one of the last batches and she got it. Good for her i thought.

You know what the problem is with today's education system? Too many kids are getting too damn many As. They are learning how to beat the system!! Eventually there will be so many kids with so many As, who will the scholarships go to??? How are they gonna shortlist candidates??

Rohaya says perhaps the system should be upgraded, the marking scheme be made a bit harder. Back during her times, 7as or 8as are like national stories, Nowadays its like 15as... bleah... But the thing is perhaps, everyone keepas flocking to scholarships like Petronas, JPA so they get backlogged. Other things have to be considered, not just the As. They begin to look into the nitty gritty of the subjects, the As, the Bs, which subjects..... they should give the applicants a chance to prove themselves in the interview, beyond the fact that they may have gotten a few Bs. They are just looking at academic, is it an A, is it a B?? But sometimes perhaps it is just better to not get a scholarship, you get the freedom to do whatever you want, study where you want, (assuming you are well off). On scholarships (especially JPA) you get tied down working with the government maybe for the next 7 years or so. She cited the example of her sister, who took a loan from JPA and is now working in a private firm, she is earning more than herself (Rohaya), who got a full scholarship from the government, despite the fact that they have the same academic qualifications. (BTW, Rohaya is working with the government). So, in other words, you took the choice of taking the scholarship with the government, therefore you have obligated yourselves to tie yourself to the government.

From there the conversation veered into government/private sector job pros and cons. Rohaya says that perhaps, she herself might be more suited to be in government, maybe other people might be suited to be in private sectors. Once again it gods will coming into play.
So between gov and private, both have pros and cons. If you want to be part of decision making, maybe the government is a better choice. Perhaps you feel more responsible because you have that power, so to speak. Furthermore, government is more secured. Unlike the risky private sector which can fire you at a whim (economic downturn etc..), but the remuneration is good. (higher risks higher returns lah).
Private also has better training facilities. According to her, a number of private companies are retraining their non-exec staff to become executives to cut costs on recruitment of new executives. In other words, semi-skilled workers are trained to become skilled workers/supervisors/production managers.

Then from there the conversation turned to the issue of graduates not finding jobs.
Rohaya says that its not the fault of the employers, perhaps the main reason why these kids can't find jobs is the fact that they are just not trying hard enough to find it. They are not willing to sacrifice enough time to look for that job. When they go for job interviews, the interviewers are looking for job experience, which they don't have, so they lament that how can they get experience if the interviewers don't give that job to them?? The thing is, if experience is the problem, then the graduates just have to set their sights lower and work as perhaps, clerical staff just to gain experience and work for a year or so, rather than just sit at home and mope. You have to start somewhere. Don't blame the system, blame yourself if you are out of a job.

At this point, Rohaya ditched me because apparently a lecturer she was looking for had walked into the building.

Concepts and questions..

Salams to all those who actually have taken time to read my blog... hmmm i never thought i'd find myself in this position, writing a blog... GAAAHAHAHA!!! Its.. so.. like... blogs are something for those whom feel they have sad little ideas they wanna share, to regurgitate their feelings, sorrows, desperations in the hope that some other sad soul out there will commiserate with their unforgiving misfortune which fate has dealt them..... so why am i here??? Its because there are so many of em out there, so if you can't beat them , join em'

YAY i'm a blogger!

Ehem, i digress

I don't intend my blog to be totally ME oriented, of course, every now and then i will add some of my personal thoughts, what is important to me and whatever little items which i may feel of use sharing with the whole world.

Recorder Travels will record my conversations with the most interesting new person i have met that day. Their stories, their outlook, their personal stance on issues and most importantly, their opinions will be published in this humble blog of mind. Ambitious?? Nah... Idealistic?? Probably Waste of time??? hehehehe still pondering this one.....

Questions are important, more so is the act of questioning, i am a strong proponent of clarifying whatever it is that is bothering you. Questions are also a great way of knowing people, questions which build up slowly to meaningful answers.... answers which sometimes even answer questions which we never knew we had questions to....

ok, enough philosophical mumbo-jumbo, stay tuned for the next update